Missy

Well my name is, well we will say my name is Missy, I'm 16 & lost my v's less than a week ago. I thought it was what I had wanted, & I don't really know but here it is.

I have a bf we will call him Ronnie (he is 18, & a non-virgin) we have only been together for three weeks, but he tells me all the time that he loves me & wants to be with me forever. Well iwe decided to just do it, so we met up in the city so we could get a hotel room. Everything that could go wrong did go wrong. Ronnie got really angry because I left him alone for 10 minutes because I was with a friend, did I mention he is very protective & jealous. Anyway we went to the hotel, but they had no rooms. At this point Ronnie & I did not do anything sexual, everytime we tried someone would walk in on us, he doesn't have his own bedroom you see.

We ended up catching a train & going to his local park. We sat under this gazebo thing, we started to make out of course. So then I put my hand in his pants, & started to jack him off. He put his up my top, but I stopped him, then he pulled away & told me I could trust him forever, so I let him. But when I thought he was going to put his hand up my top, he instead put his hands in my underwear. I let him do it, I felt weird at first but I ended up LOVING it!! Let me just tell you I'm not a shy person, I had started doing this stuff at a very young age, I didn't believe in relationships, my modo was " I wanna be single so I can go out, hook up & not feel any guilt", but with Ronnie I really did love him, he made me nervous.

We ended up staying there for ages, then he asked if I wanted to go somewhere a bit more secluded, I said "yes". We went to a little barbecue area, we sat quiet for most of the time. We started playing around he wanted to slap me in the face with his penis. He then asked me to follow him, we ended up sitting in front of public toilets at the park. He asked If I wanted to go in, I hesitated for a while, but then I gave in. He said that no one ever comes in these toilets, so we won't be caught.

I sat down & we were making out for ages, then I grabbed his cock out, it was really hard, & he took my pants, & underwear off. We were just rubbing for a while, then he asked me if he could put it in me. I said "yes". He put a condom on, he put it in, it burnt slightly but it did not hurt a huge amount, not bad at all. Then omg it was honestly the best feeling I have ever had. When he blew we decided to do it again. He had no more condoms, but we did it anyway. I sat on top of him, it was awkward but once we got it in, it was great. After that we decided to do it standing up, he was about to blow, then we heard voices, & someone knocked on the door. I swear I have never got my pants as fast as I did then. I was freaking out. I got dressed, & I really did not want to go out there nowing there were men who needed the bathroom.

Ronnie went out first & I went on my knees pretending to be sick. Even though you could smell it. I looked at my phone, I saw it was 5.30 I was suppose to be homwe at 5, & Ronnie lived an hour & a half away fdrom me, so I would get home at 7 if I was lucky. On the train I felt dirty, but I do not regret it.

I guess what I'm saying is don't have sex, just because you get the chance to, have it with someone you truly love, have it in a BED for one rofl. Well me & Ronnie are still together, & I'm really glad I lost it to him. We have not done it since then, but it was only on saturday, today is only wednesday, so it hasn't even been a week. But I think this saturday we might have a bed lolz.

Love the people who want to take it girls & boys, don't do it if you feel you have to

-Missy

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Roxanne

This the story of my first time having sex it happened last week thursday and im 17 so..

there was this results day party for people getting their a-level results, and i was going with all my best mates cuz i had been stuck at home while i hadn't seen my friends all holiday during the time of my holidays on my own, i had decided to live a little more, because everyone else but me seemed to be having a lot of fun so my personality had kind of changed

any way... we all got pretty drunk and walked down to the party at a club but i was "apparently" massively horny and kept telling my friends i wanted sex :S  but i obviously didn't think it would actually happen so we went to the club and everyone was there doing normal party stuff but there was this guy that i liked for AGES!! about 2 years ago, but i grew outta him, anyway he kept asking to dance and we did about 5/6 times then it got to the end of the night , and we were dancing while the last song was on, during that time we started properly grinding and dirty dancing (which at the time i wasn't aware everyone was doing the same

i was in my own world with him, then on the dance floor he started to put his hand up my dress and started to "play" with me then the lights started coming on so on turned around and we were kissing for it seemed like ages then he took my hand as everyone started to leave the club, and we walked out completely ignoring everyone else and went out everyone was outside and still buzzing off the party, so no-one noticed when we proceeded round the back of the club now this is the part I'm not proud of but it happened and tbh i enjoyed it but it wasn't ideal even though i was ready

... so we went round the corner and made out for ages, and it seemed like my knickers and his jeans just fell off, then he told me to jump on a wall, so i did, then it happened, it hurt at first and he went slow for me, but then it was good but unfortunately about 3 people saw us but we ignored them, my phone rand like 20 times and i could hear people shouting my name ...i ignored them. then my friend came up and stopped us and dragged me away i put my knickers back on and thought no-one would know she just kept asking if i was okay and i just nodded

then we got out to the front of the club and all my mates rushed to me, the said they know what i did and someone was spreading it, my mates hugged me and said good byte, apart from the one who found me because i was going home with her she then asked me questions and she asked the question bout protection, i completely forgot!!!

at this point i cried, but I'm not sure what i was crying about, I'm guessing i was a little more drunk then i expected, then we got a taxi back to hers and i slept there

the next day i had so many calls i ignored them all, then me and my friend went into town and i got the morning after pill, now I'm waiting for my period and I'm SO scared but it was my own fault and i should deal with the consequences

i hope this story inspires people not to not to loose their virginity without a care, and if i went back i would of said no, but i also think i enjoyed the experience and i wanted to write this while it was still fresh in my mind :)

thanks for reading

Roxanne(my alter ego's name*)

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Anon, 14

I dont want to give my name out because of the embrassment.

I lost my virginity at the age of 14. It was just about four months ago. I don't reget losing it but I do reget losing it to him.

This is what happend:

I was on the computer talking to my boyfriend. At that time he was my boyfriend for just about 3 weeks, almost a month. Then it come to a point where he told me to sneak out and he's sister would pick me up. He asked if my mom was asleep and i replied i think so. ( which she wasn't ) well, anyways he told me he would pick me up and i asked for what? what are we going to do? he replied nothing just talk and " chill " and i just said okay, i wasn't so smart when i said that. so i got dressed and it came to a point where i had to sign off the computer i told him to call my friend when he was around because i had my phone taken away. so he did and my friend told me, she lived just about two houses away. i ran outside and i look for a car. i found him and jumped in the car. i was so stupid may i remind you. it turns out my mom hopped in her car and follow the car i was in. i told his sister to pull over because she would continue to follow us. so she did and he told my mom she was scaring us by being behind us. in the car was his sister, hes sisters boyfriend, his cousin, him and i. So i bet down so she couldn't see me and my mom said that his cousin looked exactly like me. thats my " twin " till this day. lol

Anyways, he's sister replied nope sorry thats not ur daughter and his cousin said im not ur daughter! He's face was in shocked, i kno he was so scared and teriffed. She continued to drive around and my mom had call the cops to come looking for me. The cops said to sit and wait, that i would bee back. So she did was she was told and she was so scared. Waited and waited and waited.

I didnt show up because at that time i was still in he's sisters car. He's sister dropped off her boyfriend home and we continued driving. It was very late, it was like 2 in the morning. Finally, we got to his house and i sneaked in his room and we just layed down. They he told me if i was confortable where jeans and laying down and i said no. He told me to put on one of he's short and so i did. We slow came on top of me and said i love you. Then i said i love you too. He slowly pulled my pants down and i pulled his. We were kissing and cuddle, just like a movie. I was willing to give myself up to him. He started to finger me and i started to give him a " blow job " and he slowy took out a condom a slipped it on. then it went in and i was in so much pain. I didn't cry but i put my hand over my face and i was just in so much pain. We started to make out and lay down and he was playing with my hair when I was falling asleep. Then he was laying down on my shoulder and continued to say I love you. I taught he was the right one.

Turns out, he wasnt! I went on a family vacation just about 3 days later and i came back, he broke up with me. I started to cry and on top of that my mom was still upset that I left the house at 2 am to go with my ex. boyfriend. If you want to have sex make aure he make him wait and choose carefully.

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Rachel

Hi my name is Rachel, and this is my story (sorry for the length of it):

How it all started was, my boyfriend and I, Ryan of four years, went to the movies with a friend of his and his date. Ryan’s 17 and I’m 16. When the movie was over, Derek, Ryan’s friend, drove us all home in his car. Ryan and I were in the backseat making out. Derek kept teasing us that if we had sex in front of them he’d turn the car right around and leave us at the theatre. We laughed.

When we got to Ryan’s house, Derek dropped us off. Ryan’s parents were out of town, so he asked me if I wanted to spend the night. I told him sure, since my parents were on a business trip and they didn’t have to know.

When we got inside, Ryan put a movie on and we sat down on the couch. He started stroking my hair until he turned my head to look at him. He kissed me. We started making out and Ryan lay down on top of me. After a few minutes he switched the movie off since neither of us was watching it. Then I ran upstairs and he chased me. I jumped on his bed, and he jumped on after me. He kissed me again and we continued to make out. Then he slowly unzipped my hoodie and took off his T-shirt.

We continued to make out as our clothes slowly came off, starting with my jeans, his jeans, my tank top, my bra, until finally we were making out in just our underwear. He slid off his boxers and I slid off my thong. We continued to make out, though now naked. Then he started fingering me. Eventually, I asked him if he had a condom, he said he did and proceeded to put it on. He lay back down on top of me and slowly started to slide it in, it hurt like hell. I started to cry a little and he asked if I wanted him to stop. I told him no, because underneath all that pain was pure pleasure. He continued to put it in until it was all the way. Then after awhile, he stopped and we just lay there, talking and kissing.

The next week, when I was supposed to get my period, it didn’t come. I got worried and went to the drugstore and bought a pregnancy test. I got home, followed the instructions and waited for the results. When the timer dinged and I looked at that stick, you know what I saw? That’s right, a little pink X. That was it and I couldn’t believe it, I was sixteen and I was going to be a mother. Though I was quite confused, so I went online and found out that condoms only work like 97% of the time. I realised we were one of the unlucky 3%.

Right after I found that out, I decided to call Ryan. I asked him if he could come over, I had something very important to tell him. He told me he had something important to tell me too, and that he’d be right over. I assumed he was coming over to break up with me for some reason, but boy was I wrong.

When he got to my house, he told me he wanted to tell me his news first. I listened carefully as he began. He told me that he loved me more than life itself, and that nothing could ever come between us. Then he got down on one knee and told me that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, he proposed. I immediately said yes, not just because I was pregnant, I almost completely forgot at that particular moment, but because I loved him, and I knew I could trust him, he was my life, and I was his, we wanted to spend them together. Then he gave me this gorgeous diamond ring, I can’t actually believe he could have afforded that. He slid it on my finger and kissed me passionately. Whenever he kissed me it made me dizzy, i couldn’t tell up from down, left from right, it was always just so amazing.

Then I told him to sit down so I could tell him my news. “I’m pregnant.” I said, without hesitating any further. His mouth dropped open and he sort of froze for a few minutes. After he revived, he asked how, we’d used protection. I told him of my research. Again his mouth dropped open and he just sort of sat there, angry, confused, and unbelieving.

I told him that if he didn’t want to marry me any longer, I’d understand. He literally laughed and said he wouldn’t even think of it. Then he kissed me and I was turned upside down again.

Neither of us believed in abortion so we ended up keeping the baby. Our parents were very understanding, and four months later when I was ugly and fat, we had a wedding. It was the most amazing wedding I’d ever been to, all my friends and family were there, and they all were there to celebrate with us on our happiness.

Five months after that, our daughter was born. We named her Maddie. She was the most amazing thing that had ever happened to us, and we loved her unconditionally.

Now Maddie is 6 years old, and Ryan and I are still together. Though we may have gotten married and had a baby very young, when you find your soul mate, you need to start life early.

A few years ago, we had another surprise: Jennifer! She is now 4 years old and Maddie and her get along very well.

Not all teen pregnancy stories turn into fairy tales, in fact very few. But Ryan and I were able to finish school, and now he is a teacher and a father and I am a car mechanic as well as mother. Always use a condom, fairy tales are very unlikely, so don’t count on it, especially if you don’t know if you really love your bf/gf. Never have sex just to please the other person, I did it because I was ready and I knew I loved Ryan. Don’t feel forced to, no one is making you do this, it’s your choice. If you have to think twice about whether or not you’re ready, you’re not!

Love, Rachel

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Anon

I'm not gonna use any names, cuhs i really don't want people to know.  But it was about a week ago that i lost my virginity.  I knew it was gonna happen. I went to this boy i've liked for almost two years, and i really think i'm in love with him, but we don't date because of trust issues.

Well his mom wasn't home, but his sister was, so he had to sneak me in.  I went there around 7am, and when i got there he gave me a hug & said i've missed you so much! But my sister is up so you have to run upstairs before she sees you.  So me and him went upstairs and went in his room.

Everytime i go to his house, we watch a movie and cuddle, but it wasn't like that in the beginning.  It was akward and silent.  I was waiting for him to make the first move because i wanted to see if he felt the same way.  So he asked me for a kiss, i'm not always up and ready for that, So i decided to see how bad he wanted it.  We were watching a movie, and he was begging me for a kiss, and i said no, and then he was like fine two, and he paused the movie so we had to just sit there and he was still begging for a kiss, "please i'll turn the movie back on if i can get one!" and i was like haha okay, so i gave him a kiss, then he asked me for another one, and another one after that.

During the movie he started to hold my hand, and cuddling with me.  When the movie ended, we made a bet, saying that i could beat him up if we were to wrestle. And the bet was that if i were to win, i get a massage, and he get's a handjob. lol. Well of course i lost, and at first i was scared because i have never given a handjob before.  So it took me a minute.  Then i started to, and he was moaning.  I couldn't help but laugh, but it was cute so i kissed him aloot.

I gave him a handjob for about 10 minutes, and then he started kissing me, and slipped his hand inside my pants.  He was fingering me! He's never done that before, but anyways, we started kissing, and he took off my pants, and asked me if i wanted to have sex, i didn't hesitate at all, i immediately said yes.  I grabbed a condom and put it on him, and he took off my shorts.

I was laying down, and when it went it, i almost screamed.  It hurt soo bad i cried, and he wanted to stop because he knew it was hurting me.  I said no just keep going.  We felt my cherry pop, and i was crying, again he asked if i wanted to stop, and i said no, just keep going.  I couldn't take the pain it felt like my body was being ripped right down the middle.  So i said okay stop.  He pulled out, and we just layed there for like 20 mins.

I couldn't be any happier that i lost it to him, he means alot to me, and i still talk to him.  :)  Just when you first lose your virginity, make sure you do it with someone you love and trust, it will turn out really special.

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Arianna

Hi im Arianna. I'm 14. And I lost my virginity about a month ago. Yes it was a mistake.

I lost it to my then boyfriend Alex, which was 16. Him and I had a very sexual relationship.  We had been together for about a month and then he broke up with me. About a week after we broke up we began to talk again on myspace. He asked me to call him and I agreed. While on the phone I asked if I could come over so that we could talk. And he replied with yes.

I went to his house that week to his house later that week so that we could talk. I went there with the intention of just working out our problems little did I no that night would change my life. When I got there we began to talk outside of his house because it was late and his mom was sleeping. We both realized that we wanted to be with each other. Shortly after he asked me to perform oral sex and I agreed. after about 5 to 10 minutes of that we began to make out and he began to finger me. I stopped and asked him if he wanted to have sex and of course he said yes. We were on the side of his house and he laid me down and put a condom on. Before he began he asked me if I was sure that I wanted to do it. I said yes. It only lasted about 5 minutes because his dad made him come inside.

Later that night he asked me out again. This time we only lasted 2 weeks. I broke up with him. It was a mistake because now I have somebody in my life that means everything to me. And I cant give him my virginity because I lost to someone. I only did it because I thought if I did it then he would want me back.

Girls don't lose it to somebody you think your in love with. Make sure you know your in love with them.

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Be in love

I will not say my name, but I am 17. I lost my virginity to my boyfriend about a week ago and I will never regret that.

I've always been the ugly "fat" girl that no guy wanted. Because of that, I always "said" that I wanted to wait until marrage for sex...but that was just because I didn't trust men and I thought they'd use me and leave me. I've been through BAD relationships. My most recent ex I was dateing for 5 months and I found out he cheated on mewith my best friend for 2 months...it was devistateing...I though I could never trust men again. I was so hurt, I wasn't even finding myself attrated to anyone.

Then, came along Boy. We were both in the school choir together, so we kinda new eachother, even though we were in different classes. But he knew me better than I knew him because the teacher always talked about me for some reason and I've sang for their class.

Anyways, Boy aquired my cell number from a close friend of his and mine. He sent me a message and we had a pretty fun text relationship. Soon, we started to hang out in person and we became friends. I became the only girl in a group of guys so I was one of them and they are now my best friends. The first time we all hung out ouside of school, Boy kissed me...I don't know why, but he just did...I was dumbfounded because I've never been found attractive and Boy is one of the most beautiful guy I've seen. All the girls wanted him...and he kisses ME. Then, all of us hung out on regular basses...every time, Boy and I would end up kissing. I'd always spend the night because our parents didn't mind and they trusted us, but everythime, Boy would go and sleep right by me...then he'd always hold me. This was my weekend life for about 3 months. I knew I loved him...but the people at school or our friends never really knew what was happening betewwn us...and I was rather confused myself.

Until one friday night, he walks far out of his way to meet me at a park. Then he asked me out...I replied by a girlish giggle and our faces magnitized together imeadeately.

One month into the relationship, he was the first to say it.

"I love you"

And I knew he ment it. I told him the same and it was wonderful.

Then we got closer and closer and at two months, we were in my room "fooling" around and my pants happend to come off...so did his...then our shirts...then it was just him and I naked under the covers. The first guy I've ever been naked infront of...and I'm VERY insacure...then he says to me, whail looking into my eyes "You're beautiful, and I love you more than anything" I wanted to cry. Then we "grinded" and he put it in. I wasn't about to say no anythime soon because the moment was so perfect...and I loved him. It took three tries to get it in and finally he did...but not all the way. It hurt more than anything...and I have tattoos haha. Then he pushed. I said ow and he kept asking if I was alright. I kept saying I'm fine...even though it hurt so bad...really bad I wanted to cry...I even got teary eyed. Both of us were virgins, however, he took about 30 minutes. The problem was, we were so into the moment, we didn't grab a condom. He pulled out and came on my leg. I didn't mind but he felt bad lol. After, He said he loved me again, as I layed exausted in his arms.  I didn't respond, so he got worried and asked if I was alright. I said " I'm glad it was you"

He said " I'm glad it was you too...I hope it will always be you"

Then we slept, all through the night, wraped in eachother embraces.

It was everythign I wanted for the first time.

Luckily for me, I started my period the next day, so I knew...know I'm not pregnent. We had sex again for the second time yesterday. It didn't hurt any less. But  we DID use a condom.

So girls...let me just say. Be in love.

If you don't love him, it's pointless. And if he doesn't love you, it's heartbreaking. Make sure the love is equal and genuine.

Boy and I are best friends as well as lovers.

He'll always be a part of my life even if we do break up.

And that, girls, is what you want to hav ein the relationship.

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Vero

hi my name is veronica but i rather be called vero

my boyfriends name is luis. we met in 7th grade. well it all started in 1st period we bothe had sciens with our teacher ms. marks. it all started a week before picture day and thats wen i noticed him looking at me so i told my best friend maria to find out if he liked me. the next day she told me that he did. i didnt like him but i though this might help get over my ex. so picture day came and he asked me out of course i said yes. it was werd cuz i thought i would never get to like him but slowy i satrted to fall in love with him.

about 4 or 5 monthes passed and i decided to tell my perants. they asked why i had wited so long to tell them i told them that i thought it wasnt ganna last. sumer was around the corner and a day befor i was ganna leave to go to mexico we talked the hole night and it got to a point were we started talking about babys. he told me that he has always wanted one but we were both virgens so we decided the we would first work our way to a baby so wen i would come back we were ganna have sex and we were ganna use protection and then after that we would decide wen we wanted to have a baby.

so i went to mexico the next day and for 2 mothes we would talk every day on my space. finally i cam back and we started 8th grade and u few monthes passed and on january 5th 2008 after school we were talking on the phone and we decided we were ready. so that night i snuk him in and every one was home but all asleep even my grand perants were ther cuz they came back with us from mexico. any ways back to me and luis we went into my room and i asked him should we turn the lights off or leave then on. he though it was best if they were off so if some body woke up they woulnd go chek why the lights were on in my room.

so we were standing ther looking at each we coulnd see to well but ther was a little light coming from the window so we stud ther for a cuple of minuts then he busted out sain (so what now) and i told him i dont know u tell me. but now im allways making fun of him and asking him so what now and he sais i dont know u tell me and we both lafhg about it. any ways back to the story we started making out taking off each others clothes till it got to a point were he was on top of me and he put a condom on he asked me one last time if i was sure. i said yes i asked him the same he said yes then he put it in me slowly.

ima be honest with yall it hurts like hell i was about to cry. he could see it in my face he asked if i wanted him to stop. i told him no and he went slowly. every 5 minuts he would ask if i was ok and if i wanted him to stop and then he asked me if is still hurt ass much i told him that it didnt so he asked if he could go a lil faster. i raped my arms and legs around him and then said yes then after a wile we herd some noise down stairs it was my dads alarm to go to work so we got dresed and i snuk him out.

well the good news is we didnt get cought. bad news this story still has a long way to go hahaha sorry my story is so long. that month we did it 2 more times. yes we used protection for yall that wanna know. and the next month we did it every weekend the hole weekend for that hole month some times we did use protection and some times we didnt but most of the time we didnt so i knew i was ganna end up pregnant. so i asked luis to go buy me a pregnancy test and i took it on the day of my expected period. it came out posetive. i was scared and i didnt want to belive it so i asked him to buy me another one just to make sure. that one came out posetive 2.

that day wen i decided to tell him me luis and my family were ganna go on our yetskys like we did evey weekend and i asked him to walk to the park with me. i started to cry wen we got ther he kept asking what was wrong. then i told him both the test came out posetive. he stayd quiet for a little bit then he huged me and told me every thing was ganna come out allright. i could tell he was happy but sinces he saw that i was crying even more now he started to cry with me and repeting that every thing was ganna be ok. then he told his perants like 2 weeks after we found out. eather they didnt belive him or they just didnt care cuz they acted like nothing happend.

a few weeks later i wen to my school counseler and i told her that i didnt know how to tell my mom and she told me she tought it be best if i told her wile i was at school. she called her and left a msg. an houre later the counseler calles for me and telles my my mom is on her way over her. she got ther fast she keepd asking what had happend and wen we got to the counselers ofice it took me a little wile but i just said it mom im pregnant. she busted out cryin and she said alot of thing but one thing i will never forget is how she said that she allready new. that little sentence was all i needed to start crying but i think id was the hormones 2. any ways i knew she dindt now but i kew she ment that she suspecteded. and ways she called my dad and i could hear my dad telling her to calm down and that it wasnt the end of the world and then in a few minuts he was ther 2.

they took me home. wile i was getting my stuff they went outsid. wen i came out they were siting on the bench in front of my school. i never found out what that conversation was about and i dont think i wanna find out. they both got up and started to walk to ther cars. my dad asked my mom if she was ganna take me she said no i think its better if u take her me. my dad went home and we waited for my mom to get ther. we waited for an houre then we went to wallgreens and bought a pregnancy test he told me that he wanted me to take it cuz i new my mom would want to make sure. i think hes the one who wanted to make sure.

we hured home to see if my mom was ther. she wasnt so we went looking for her cuz she wasnt even answering her cell. half way we saw her coming back so we flowed her she was driving so bad it looked like she wanted to crash.

we got home and she said lets go to the docotr. thankfuly my dad drove us ther. i peed in a cup and the test i took ther came out positive 2. the doctor told me my baby was due on october 30 2008. i was happy about that cuz my birthday was october 1. oh im about to be 15 in a cuple off mothes by the way today is july 11 2008. we got home and that hole week my older sister she was 16 and her boyfriend hes 19 called me Juno. i would lafght then make fun of them for a lil bit.

on sunday night was the worst i went to slep talking on the fone and i woke up at 5 am to go pee. well guess what i see wen i look down at my undys brown nasty stuff no i did not shit my self it was coming out of my vagina. i woke my mom up and showed her. she told me that some times during pregnancy femails get the last of ther periods. she went to sleep so i went to my room and called my boyfriend. i started crying cuz i knew i could lose the baby he stated to cry with me eventualy we feel asleep on the phon again.

that morning like every other morning he called he asked if i was ganna go to school. i asked my mom she said no. he had to catch the bus so i let him go and i tryed to go back to sleep. befor my perants left they told me that if ther was any blood to call them at 10. i got up went to the rest room peed looked down saw more brown stuff and a little bit of blood. i spent that hole day at the hospitol.

that day was my older sisters b-day. at night wen we finaly got out we took her out to eat and i felt bad that we had missed that day. so i took a glove and inflated it and wroght happy b-day all over it and gave it to her. wen she got ther i didnt even eat. my stomich started hurting like hell so i asked my dad for the key to his truk and i feel asleep in the back seat.

the next day i went to a utmb clinik and they said the if i had lost the baby the hormone level would go down. i went to the doctor that hole week and on thursday they told us that the hormone level had gone down and that i had had a misscarag.

i cryed that hole day an houre after we got the news. she took me to church and i went to confecion and had anointing of the sick. after that i went to my boyfriends house and he and his mom came out side. i saw my mom tell his mom and she just said ok. she face exprecion seemed happy to me. then i huged him and i dint need to tell him he just new he said he saw it in my face but i still had to get it out so i told him. he huged me tighter and cryed with me. an houre passed and my mom had i went home.

i called him and we talked and the next day he came to the hospitol with me. they gave me some options they said i could wait till my body got rid of every thing witsh could be dangeres cuz i would bleed too much and end up right back at the hospitol or they could take every thing out right now but it would be painful. i took the second one. they gave me a shot it hur like hell then i kinda started to fall sleep yup i was high hahaha. then they stuck this thing up my vagina and opend it up as wid as they posably could. yes it hurt. then they got this thing and scrached my uteris walls that was what hurt the most it felt like some one was trying to rip me apart from the inside. my mom was the only one ther with me. i held her hand tought the pain and it lasted about 5 minuts. after they did that and suctiond everything out i could go home.

i was bleeding so bad. they told me it would stop in a month and it did but to tell u the truth the going to the hospitol and having all that done and going thought all that pain wasnt as bad as the pain i wen thought emotionely. some times i spend the hole night crying some the hole day. i have to go to a psychologist every week. do i like to go nop. did it help yes it helped alot.

im still with luis and im so happy about our relationship. im so lucky to have him he stuk with me though every thing i even remember telikg him a few times during that that he didnd have to stay with me or that he didnt have to go with me but he always anwsers the same i know babe but i want to. till this day were still together. we have a year and 5 mothes since we 1st started going out. we still do it but we use protection every time. the condome riped a lil wile ago but im not i think hahaha.

well i really wanted yall to know my story. i hope it never happens to any of yall and yall never have to go though anything like that. if u havent lurn from me no i dont think it was a mistake and i always think about it and some times i realy wish i still was but then some times i think of how hard it might have been.

Love, Vero

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Kara

Hello my name is Kara and i would like to share my first time experience with you. I was 16 when i lost my virginity and i am currently 19.

I lived in a small neighborhood, and i was best friends with my neighbor, Darren. I had met him at age 7 and we had always been close since then. We would go everywhere together, we played, we cried, we laughed, we argued.....everything possible that happens between friends at that age lol. Darren was always there for me, i remember when my mom got sick and she was was very close to death (thank god she survived) he was there holding my hand telling me everything would be ok, we were only 9 at the time.

We never looked at eachother as more than friends untill the age of around 11. i was sitting in my room watching tv and Darren had walked in to join me (like always) he sat next to me and we started to watch the movie, i seriously can't remember the name of it, but it was a romance movie. The couple in the movie kissed at the end, it was really tense between us for some reason so i turned to him to make a joke, but his eyes met mine and he slowly kissed me. Thats when it all began......A few weeks later we shared are second kiss at exactly 12:00 midnight outside of my house behind our tree, kissing him was like forgetting all of the stress and worry in my life and being free, i loved every minute of it. He took my hand and pressed against his chest and gently placed his against mine, and he said, i remember it word for word (theres no way i could ever forget) he said, "Kara my heart is yours now and yours mine, your my girl and i promise you Kara you always will be". I don't know why but tears streamed down my face and i couldn't help but hold him in my arms.

Around the age of 12 i noticed my body had started to change. On my 12th birthday i got my period, it was the worst day of my life. I was in the pool with Darren and we were messing around throwing water at eachother as usual.....i stopped because i felt something warm between my legs, when i looked down, i saw a faint trace of blood in the water i realized where it was coming from and i started to Panic, Darren saw me and the blood he rushed towards me, and for some reason i felt ashamed, for the first time since age 7 when we met, i pushed him away from me, i yelled at him, i told him to get away from me and i hurt him. Later on that day my mom told me what was happening to me.

I didn't see Darren for 2 days (the most we had ever been apart) i knew he was confused as to what had happened and he was hurt...so i built up the courage to go to his house and apologized for the way i acted. I was in pain because i was on it still and i felt weak. I guess he coul d just tell because when i walked into his house his face lit up and he slowly walked toward me not knowing whether i was still angry. I gave him a warm smile and this look of relief swarmed his face he grabbed me up and hugged me, he kept apologizing to me even though we both knew he  had done nothing wrong. I had always loved Darren but i do believe that at that presice moment in time i had definatly fallen in love with him

In grade school everyone knew us as Bestfriends, if someone saw me they would ask for Darren and vice versa, in school Darren never made it seem like i was his girlfriend (he wasn't into holding hands or kissing, none of it), he would only do stuff like that out side of school.  At the age of 14 things started changing. Darren was always cute to me but when he started growing up i guess it became apparent to everyone else. By 9th grade he was one hunk of i guy he was already aroun 5"8 he was muscular and he had the most beautiful and simplistic 8th world wonder smiles i had ever seen. I was different to of course, everything was. I remember the day Darren made me his girl in front of everyone....(i was always his girl, but we didnt that way till now).

I was standing at my locker opening it up when this sophmore came up behind me, he put his hands around my waist and pulled me close to him, he whispered in my ear and it made me feel sick (i wont repeat what he said). i turned around and shoved him off thats when he forcefully pressed me up against my locker and started necking me and feeling me up, The whole entire thing caught me off gaurd, i kept pushing and shoving him but its like i couldn get him off of me, all of his friends crowded us and they were laughing...i kept thinking where is Darren??

thats when i heard his voice, he had never ever cursed around me but what he had seen made him a totally different guy, i just heard him scream half way across the hall "what the fuck are you doing Duncan" and then it sounded as if he started to run towards us. I never forget his facial expression because it scared the living hell out of me. He pulled the kid off of me and threw him on the ground he started punching him and i couldnt believe the amount of anger i saw in him. I quickly pulled on him to get him off and when i finally broke him free the guys face was full of blood, and Darren wasn't even phased he just screaming "don't you ever fucking touch my girl again Duncan!!!". He turned to me as the teachers rushed towards the scene, he said he was sorry for doing it in front of me, he kept checking me to see if i was bruised and he kept asking me if Duncan had hurt me, he saw the fear in my eyes and he lightnened up his aproach, brought me close to him and for the first time at school he kissed me.

Darren was suspeneded for a week. which totally sucked because duncan was only suspeneded for 3 days and those two days he kept following me and leaving disgusting notes in my locker, but when Darren got back to school he disapeered. After that Darren and i held hands in the halls, we kissed every now and then at lunch, and he was extremely protective over me to the point where he didnt want me wearing mini skirts to school....lol (i know i know) but i loved him so it didn matter.

I was 16 when i lost my virginity, and thank god it was to Darren. We hadn't planned it i think thats what made it so special. I lost it on a beach which everyone thinks is completely exotic and wierd but i found it breath-taking. The wind was just right. the moon was shining so bright, and i felt like a princess in my prince's arms. Alot of people talked about me being a complete "virgin mary" at school because at the time "losing your virginity" i swear it was a trend, and i was one of the few girls who had said i wanted to wait. Darren had told me that he wanted me to be his first and i his, so we knew we would one day do it together.

We were sitting on the shore, on Darrens beach blanket looking at the moon. My dress wasn exactly a dress but a light almost see through beach wrap. I remember feeling awkward because he was so close to me and when we were talking he would take long glances at my body. I remember there was a moment where he kissed me and he gently moved his hands onto my breast and i felt my whole body lose it. (i had always loved his hands, they were big and strong :)) i whimpered when he did it and he looked into my eyes he said "Kara your the most beautiful gift god has given me, some times i feel as if i i dont even deserve your presence. Kara i would love to lay you down right here on this beach and make sweet passionate love to you".

I smiled at him and he smiled back we kissed for about 30 minutes and i felt him slide his hands between my legs, my body started to shake and it felt so good. He brought me close to him and gently massaged my thighs, i know i moaned because there was a certain point where i felt something hard on me i knew it was him, he had control of my body and he knew how to touch me and it made me feel soooo good. He kissed my neck and my brests and then he slowly got on top of me, he asked me if i was ready to be one with him and i knew what he ment. He slowly spread my legs apart and as gently as he could he slid into me. The amount of pain i felt made me almost lose it, he saw my face and he wanted to stop, but i knew i would never forgive my self if i ruined such a beautiful moment. i told him to keep going so he did.

I can remember the sound of his voice as he moaned, it was a beautiful thing, after around 25 mintues of his kissing me and asking me if i was ok or if i wanted to stop it started to feel better. He held onto me and slowly started thrusting into me. I couldn't belive what i was feeling it felt soooo good, i didnt know my body had the capapbility to capture such an explosion. I felt him slow down and i dont what happen but there was a certain part of inside of me he touched and i went crazy, i buried my head in his neck and he held me so tight, we orgasmed together. It was the most amazing night of my life.

After i began to cry and so did he, i saw the tear roll down his eye and i wiped it off his face and told him how much i loved him and how much he ment to me. We held eachother, untill morning. We didn't use a condom and Darren felt guilty after, i had to calm him down and tell him everything would be alright (which luckily for me it was). When i told him i wasn't pregnant he looked at me and he said it wouldn't of made a difference if you were, i asked him what he ment and he said that having a child with me would be the greatest. he said  "give me a daughter that looks just like you Kara, what more could i ask for". I loved him sooo much sometimes i felt like i could totally lose my mind.  

I am 19 now and so is Darren, of course, we are still together. we got married in may of last summer as soon as school let out and we graduated. We both attend the same college and are extremely happy together. We have our own place and he is already garunteed a job at the office with which his father works. He wants me to get pregnant and stay home but im considering it........ Im actually pregnant i found out two days ago and it reminded me of our first time. so i decided to share it with you. I dont know how im going to tell him but when i do he will be estatic and i can't wait to see that beautiful smile of his light up the world.

To all the girls and guys out there, your virginity is a precious gift that you have complete control over. Look at it as the best gift you can give to the one you love the most. So dont give it away carelessly and when you do give it away, give it away carefully. I was not smart to have sex with out a condom my first time but let me tell you something it was with a man i was in love with and if i had gotten pregnant he would have been there to support me and love me regardless.

To my heart, my soul, and my reason for living....Darren. I love you baby, and i always will <3 :)

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Taylor

Hello.

My name is Taylor, and i lost my virginity at 14. To be completely honest, it was the biggest mistake of my life.

Let me explain:

I had been dating the most amazing guy for almost six months before we had broken up. My parents made us break up because they were not ok with our age difference. Did i mention he was 18 and a freshmen in college? Anyway, we hadn't stopped talking after we had split, and we still wanted to see each other and try to re-kindle our relationship. So i made a plan to go home a day early from my family's Spring Break trip and he would meet me at my house. We hadn't seen each other in nearly two months, and i was really excited to see him.

When i got home, he was waiting on my back porch, and i let him in. Our reunion still gives me chills when i think about it. It was the best night of my life. We went to my bedroom and kissed so passionately. I was certain we were in love. Then he started taking his clothes off, and mine followed. It wasn't our first time doing sexual things together, but i was shocked when he stopped kissing me and pulled out a box of condoms from his pant pocket. I told him that this was a big deal for me (i was a firm believer in no sex before marriage.) but he assured me that it was in my best interest. He had had sex before, many times, and i thought that he knew what he was talking about- so i let him put on the condom.

He slid on top of me and then inside. It was the most pleasurable experience of my life. I felt no pain, and did NOT want it to end! We spent the whole night intertwining between the sheets. That's not the regrettable part.

Two days after that, my dad picked me up from school and told me that my neighbor had seen him leave my house  the morning after. I didn't know what to say. But then i got home, and saw a couple of police cars in my driveway. I got out of the car and went inside and was interrogated by the police. They asked me if he and I had had sex, and i told them No. But they confiscated my sheets and found traces of his semen. I was busted. And so was he.

That night, i had to go to the Special Victims Unit and tell every detail of the best night of my life to a detective. My parents were too mad at me to even speak. I felt the worst I've ever felt in my whole life. I had the worst feeling in my stomach, and felt i had betrayed the man i loved. I choked through each memory as i told the detective. Thinking about that night almost kills me. The next day, my "boyfriend" was arrested.

This painful event in my life has made me feel obligated to share it with you. I cannot stress the importance i had never understood (till then) that age does matter. It is a very tragic thing that happens to more people than you can imagine. And now, i not only have my first time memory- but the memory of sending someone i (thought) loved to jail. It was a stupid mistake that both him and I made  that changed both of our lives forever. Please think about the consequences of age before you pursue a relationship with someone older than you- especially if you are under the legal age.

-Taylor.

AVERT.org has more about the age of consent.

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Reiley

Hi my name is Reiley and i'm 15.  I lost my virginity to my 16 year old boyfriend a few weeks ago.  We have been together for over a year.  He had been ready before I was and he told me that he was willing to wait as long as I needed.  I had been thinking about it a lot and I realized that I love him with all my heart and I was ready.

When we were watching a movie at his house one day we started making out for a while and he started to feel up my shirt.  He undid my bra and I took off his shirt.  He started to unbutton my shorts.  I let him take off my pants and then I took off his.  He asked me if I was okay and if i was sure that this is what I wanted.  I felt so much better knowing that he cares about me and that if i changed my mind he would be okay with it.  I told him I was positive.

He put on a condom and as he was putting it in me it wouldnt go in all the way because I was nervous and I wasn't lubricated enough.  It hurt REALLYYY bad but it was completely worth it.  I didn't bleed and it took a few minutes for it to go in all the way.  Once it was in we started to move very slowly and the pain went away.  After that it felt really good.  As we were doing it he checked a few times to make sure I was okay and he whispered in my ear that he loves me and that I am the best thing that has ever happened to him. It was a really great experience and I will never regret it.

To anybody who is thinking of having sex for the first time:  PLEASE make sure you are ready and that you have some sort of protection from std's or pregnancy.  Sex can really be great if you make it great.  Make sure you do it with someone you trust and truly love.  Don't worry about the pain. It doesn't hurt everybody. I promise after the first couple of times it will start to feel amazing. Don't worry.<3

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Jane

i am 14, and i lost my virginity a few weeks ago! i dont regret the sex it but i do regret where i did it and who i did it with and the fact we didnt use protection which is one the most stupid things to do if you dont want to get pregnant.

this is how it happened:

i went to guilfest with all my mates, not expecting to end up having sex that night for the first time. we went and it was really fun during the day, then a few of my mates and me went to get some alcohol. i didnt drink much becasue it was really hard to get drink. then we met up with this guy from my school in the year above. i dont know him very well but he fit!

I was being all flirty and we ended up seperating from my other mates. we were talking and then started pulling. we went to this tent where a ban were playing. it was really busy so no one saw what we were doing. he started fingering me and i was tossing him off. we left that tent after like 10 mins then went on a walk for a bit and went out of guilfest somewhere rouind the back. we walked for a bit then went down this empty closed off road round the back of the college. we were up against a wall kissing and doing 2nd. we then went over to the other side on to the pavement/grass and thats when we had sex.

it wasnt his first time but it was mine but he didnt realise that. i really wanted to do it though and so did he. we were lying down, he was on top of me pulling my tights down again and then he got his dick out and thats when it happened, we did oral to and other stuff. i loved it at the time. it did hurt at first but it felt good as well.

but we didnt use protection so i had to get the morning after pill nd tell my parents.

the bad thing was that the whole school found out when i got back to school and he goes to my school in the year above. so i have been called a slag by a few people but i just ignore them. we havnt spoken in ages and i dont realli want to. he was seeing this girl (they wernt goin out though), but he didnt tell me that whilst we were doing it.

we havnt spoken since, i have seen him and his mates all try and talk to me but just say do u wanna f**k but i just ignore them all.

talking to people is the best thing to do

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Maria

Hey my name is Maria and i lost my virginity 2 days ago.

Well ive been going out with this boy and he is the total opposite of me, im more preppy and girly (im 13 now) and he is more of a "Cholo" (mexican gangster or thug) (he is 14 now). also he lives in a ghetto neighbor hood and i live in a rich neighboorhood... he was in a gang but he's not anymore, and he used to smoke weed.

I met him when i was 12 my 1st impresion was that he looked mean and cold, but when he passed by me or I passed by him, he would always smile at me. We started talking and he was nice. After that we started going out and i broke up with him (He wa my 1st kiss and boyfriend). Then we got back together and he broke up with me.

We went to summer school together and he would always tell me i looked pretty or he would play around with me, then in 8th grade i tried to avoid him because i just thought his partying  ways were too much, he would go to strip clubs (even though he wasent allowed!!), drink all night, smoke weed, or he would get into fights.

But somehow we started talking again but he had a girlfriend 5 days later after we stated talking he dumped her, i asked him why he said because he wanted to be with me, we would talk on the phone from 9pm till 5am every night and we would just talk about problems that we had he would tell me about how he gotten arrested (in 6th grade!) and how he felt, and i told him stuff about me too.. then somehow we started to talk about sex. I asked him if he was a virgin and he said he didnt know because once a girl had given him oral sex but he said it was just a girl he met, i have no idea why but i believed him even though he partyies alot.

I trust him, and he knows if he messes up is gonna be his loss.. (by the way when werent togetha almost all his friends we trying to get wit me.. lol) and i could get another guy in less then a day, so he's very carefull.

Every day at school i used to see him after my 2nd class (it was monday) but one day i didnt see him, then this girl came up to me that he had told her to tell me that he got in trouble.... then i saw him at lunch i asked him what happended he said he got caught with weed and they were gonna send him to alterative school..

i was so mad at him! But that friday night he said he was sorry, and i think every one desrvers a second chance so i gorgave him. Then one of our friends invited us to his party, i went and my boyfriend was there so i hugged him and he gave me a kiss and said i looked beautiful, then we went inside the house..(everyone was outside) and he told me he loved me and kissed me then we went into a room and he locked the door and started kissing me even though i knew it was wrong i felt so right.. then i got on top of him and he took of my shirt then took off my bra.. then he put his hand down my pants and started to rub me softly, i felt so weird he only looked at my face and told me he loved me, he took off his clothes and my pants but he didnt get inside me that time.. then after a while we went outside and danced.

Now we have been together almost 7 months and on saturday i told him to come to my house and he of course agreed, he came about 2:00 am and he went trough my window first we were just messing around talking about stupid stuff. Then i made sure the door was locked.. and i sat on his lap (i had a hoodie and a skirt) and he started to kiss me and he started rubbing on my thigh then i slowly felt my self laying down on the bed as he got on top of me.

I took off his shirt. then he asked me to get on top of him, so i did and he took of my hoodie and shirt and skirt then i kissed him and he un-hooked my bra, and then i felt his hand go inside my underwear and he started to rub me again.. after a while of being like that he took my underwear off and his pants off, then i told him to put on the condom, and he did then he got on top of me and he tried to get inside me.. every time he tried it hurted alot and i was "so tight" then finally after a while of trying it went in and it hurted so much!! he saw that i was in pain so he asked me if i was ok and i told him it hurted but to keep on going and he did.. then i got on top of him and when he went inside me again it hurted, but not as much as the first time.

After about 35 minutes we stopped and he asked me if i was tired and i was sweating lol he was too. Then we just layed on my bed watching t.v and joking around, kissing, he told me he loved me every 5 seconds lol, i asked him to tell me the truth if he was a virgin and he said he was never inside anybody so i guess. Even though i think i am too young i still think it was special and who knows maybe we wont be "together 4 ever" but i know we will always remeber each other because he was my first and i was his first..

I love him so much!

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Louise

hey

my name is Louise. i lost my virginity at 14. id been going out with this boy called Tom and i thought i really loved him and he loved me, how wrong could i be.

we talked about sex a lot and then after 2 weeks of going out he called me and said do you want to have sex, i was so excited, i told my best friend Soph about our chat on the phone. she said i was stupid to think about having so sex so young, i said age didn't matter if you were in love.

we'd only been going out 3 weeks when we had sex 4 the 1st time. i went round his house after school after a while we decided to go for a walk and leave his family for a bit. we walked into the park, it was empty i knew what he wanted. he started fingering me and he knew that made me really horny after a while i asked if had a condom cause i wasn't going to have sex if he didn't and he did so he put it on. it was painful but not tearful painful, the thing that hurt the most was after, sitting down, yeah i did bleed and quite a lot but it wasn't really painful as people made out.

6 days later we did it again and in a park too, at first he was just fingering me and was kept asking me to let him, i kept saying no cause we had go home and we'd be late, in the end i said yes just to keep him happy, i don't regret the first time but i regret my 2nd because i didn't want to. later i found out he cheated with my friend. i think he knew i was a easy target.

that was 9 months ago i now have a bf who I've been going out with for 7 months were planning to have sex, at least he isn't pushy like tom. 3rd time lucky it will be in a bed.

girls don't be afraid to say no and make sure you use a condom.

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Veronica

Hi my name is Veronica and I'm 17 and my boyfriend is 18.  I lost my virginity about two months ago to the coolest boyfriend ever! We are still together to this very day. Well here is what happened.

Well it was during vacation and both our parents were going out of town for four days in a row.  My boyfriend invited me over to his house to spend two nights at his house.  So that night we went to see a movie that night and then go to dinner.  During the movie my boyfriend put his arm around me and held me close to him and we started kissing and hugging.  About half way through the movie we got bored so we decided to leave. We then decided to go back to his house and just watch one of his movies.  It was about a five minute drive back to his house.

When we got back we turned the movie on and sat down next to each other on the couch.  I was wearing a short sleeve shirt and I was cold so I started shivering.  My boyfriend noticed so he moved closer and started to hug me to keep me warm.  It was so awesome. We watched about ten minutes more of the movie then he started stroking my hair and then next thing I knew he leaned over and we started passionately kissing. We had kissed before but this time seemed the BEST!!!

We both noticed we weren't watching the movie much so he turned it off and I started running upstairs and he chased me. I then jumped onto this bed. Although we had talked about having sex before, I never thought we would actually do it!

We laid down together and he started stroking my face and we were kissing passionately. Next thing I knew he had his hand up my shirt and he was undoing my bra. He then stopped kissing me for a moment and took my shirt off so I was shirtless. I then got the idea and I took his shirt off for him. He started touching me and I grasped his chest. While we were touching each other we were still kissing too.  At this point I was REALLY horny. Then next thing I knew he stopped touching me and unbuttoned my pants. I got the message and I let him take my pants and thong off. I then took his pants off and this boxers off. We were now completely naked. After some more touching and kissing we both decided it was time. He walked into the bathroom for one moment and got a condom (NEVER HAVE SEX WITH OUT ONE UNLESS YOU WANT TO GET PREGNANT) He came out of the bathroom with a condom and asked me to put it on his thing. I took it in one hand and I read the instructions and put condom on him.

Now we were ready to have sex. I was a virgin but he was not. He had his first intercourse when he was 14 although he said it went horribly but I thought he was pro at it! He decided that it would probably be easiest if he was on the top and I was on the bottom. We started kissing again and touching waiting for him to have an erection and so I could get completely lubricated. When he had gotten his erection we thought we were ready. He started to put it in. It hurt REALLY REALLY BAD! I wanted to start crying but I didn’t although my eyes did start to tear. He was so considerate the whole way. He kept asking if I was ok and if it hurt. I said it kind of hurt (although I was lying cause it really hurt) so he said we could take it slower. Once it was completely in he started to slowly move. I followed his movements and it felts so good. I still can't explain the felling but it was WONDERFUL!

We kept doing this for another 30 minutes. Then we decided we should probably go to bed soon so he gently pulled it out. That was one of the best experiences of my whole life! After he was out of my body, I started to bleed. It first was just a little but then a lot. I felt so bad cause I bleed all over his clean white sheets (luckily I could work a laundry machine and the blood stains mostly came out). Luckily I had a few pads with me so I put my thong back on with a pad. We then got back into bed and slept the whole night right next to each other and half the next day. Every once in a while he would wake up and he would start to rub my chest. I didn’t tell him I was still awake at that point. It felt so good. Unlike other couples are first experience was a GREAT one and we are still together and have had another one since then.

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Dawn

Hey,

My name is Dawn and I am currently 19 years old. I gave away my virginity at the age of 18, so approximately a year and a half ago. I was in a long term relationship with someone whom I loved deeply from day one. We were utter opposites and therefore we completed eachother.  I was the innocent smart athletic girl, and he was the boy who skipped class and smoked cigarettes.

We had both been through tough times and used eachother as a safe haven. I had never been intimate with any other man and I trusted him deeply.  From the early months of our 2 year relationship we become to explore each others bodies slowly crossing the lines.  This to me was so foreign and so forbidden but we were in love. My plan for myself was to wait until marriage before having sex for the first time and he respected that but we pushed the boundries farther and farther until the night of our one year anniversary.

My heart was racing; his parents were home and I was for the first time naked in front of a man.  I thought for sure this would be the man I married since he had proposed to me 2 months prior and justified sex with that thought of our future marriage.  We were in love and I still remember his touch that calmed me since I was soo nervous and scared.  He was not a virgin which made me sad because I wanted to experience this loss of innocence together. He was gently and we went slowly. I had never felt so in love with a moment.  This sex was not about the pleasure in any way because believe me it hurt but going through that pain with the man I cherished was soothing and the sex was overwhelmed with passion. It ended too soon but we rested in eachothers arms when it did end and absorbed the moment and were so happy…..for all of 30 seconds.

Litereally, directly after we had finished, we received a phone call from a mutual friend that informed me that my love, the man I had just physically laid down my innocence for, the man I was supposed to marry, had cheated on me two days before.  My heart was shattered.  I still to this day have never in my life felt such pain and hysteria.  I tried to end things that night, but after his compulsive sobs and apologies and pleads for forgiveness I said I would try.  Honestly, I felt obligated after having sex with him to stay (since that’s what good girls do) and we fought through one more painful year.  We never had that same trust or comfort and I was always in paranoia. We never recovered from that night.

Its been six months since our final end and I still miss him and I will always love him. Do I regret it? Sometimes.  Only when I think of my wedding night being with someone that I physically can’t give my love to. Was it special? Yes, It was filled with all the love and passion I had dreamed of. My advice to anyone who wants to wait is wait.  If it matters to you, even having an engagement ring on your finger just isn’t enough.  Take it from me, I would know.

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